Posts tagged philosophy

I believe my life is going to get better, and I know I don’t appreciate what I’ve already been blessed with nearly enough.

I have trouble saying I am an optimist, because I don’t believe things will necessarily work out for the best, but I am a person filled with hope. It defines me.

And I have faith, in myself and others. I believe that no matter what happens, good or bad, there is something to be gained from everything, large and small, in life. In the end, the most important thing is not what we have, but who we are and who we share ourselves with.

As for you, reader, if you are ever feeling down, stressed, or simply pensive I urge you to write your thoughts down. Further, I encourage you to share them, to take even your most personal thoughts and give them freely, for in doing so you will come to understand whether you accept yourself.

I tend to have a boom-bust cycle to my level of general inspiration. Over time, it can be easy to become near-sighted, just doing what you need to get through the day, falling into routine, escaping into the various forms of entertainment we are surrounded by. But that is not enough for me, and I doubt it ever will be. I require more from my life, from myself. Eventually, I reach a point where I realize things I have lost sight of, and I realign myself. I’ve reached that point again of late.

The weather is getting warmer, prompting me to spend more time outside, to explore, to move. My AmeriCorps term is marching ever closer to its end, reminding me to look to the future and all the potential it holds. And most poignantly, I have taken a step back and seen which relationships have persisted and grown since I graduated college. Despite distance, my bond with several people has flourished and become more precious than ever. These people give me strength and the inspiration I so desire. From them, I am reminded of what is truly important.

So, onward with life, to whatever the future may hold!

I’ve been best summed up in something said by my sister: “You just want everyone to be happy.”

She wrote that to me in a letter which was one of the most inspirational and motivational things I’ve ever read, all the more so because it was written to me by someone I care so much about and who cares about me. And it is true - I do want everyone to be happy, more than anything else I can think of.

I think more people want this than realize it, but are often afraid to vocalize or express this notion. It sounds strange at first - why would someone be hesitant to say they want everyone to be happy? It seems like a noble thought, one of community and giving. But it includes oneself in the equation. Wanting everyone to be happy means you want to be happy as well, just as much as anyone else, and far too many people I meet today are ashamed of pursuing their own happiness in balance with others.

Disclaimer: The following is a series of generalizations and does not apply to everyone, but makes talking about different ways of thinking much simpler.

People I’ve met seem to decide at some point in their life that their happiness is either more or less important than that of other people. Those who “live in the moment”, who want to be successful, who have high self esteem generally seem to put their own happiness first. They are often very caring and giving people, but demarcate a line where, if it comes down to it, they will look after themselves first and others second. These people are often quite happy and have a good deal of self confidence, but sometimes go far enough to be selfish or mean to others.

The other end is neither better nor worse - those who put others before themselves. These people often feel a great deal of responsibility and pressure. They see other people’s opinions as carrying a great weight, often more than their own. They work to help other people, but often feel neglected themselves. Some of them are centered, caring people, but others suffer from low confidence or destructive tendencies. I’ve seen people who put others before themselves be highly motivated, striking out into the world to make a difference, but most of the disenchanted, burned out, or hopeless people I’ve seen also fit into this category.

Now the part where I rant about myself~!

As for myself, I am in between the two. I think everyone is equal, which is a common thing for a person to say but seems relatively rare for them to live. I work to make the most people happy I can, to the best of my ability. I judge the worth of my actions by a “greater good”, tempered by the knowledge that I do not yet (and may never) know what a true, objective “greater good” is, and that I am best able to help and evaluate my success with those I know best. In a sense, this is similar to Utilitarianism, where actions are judged according to their worth, but modified with a healthy dose of Relativism.

What does this mean? That I do what I can to make others happy, but not at my own expense unless some sacrifice on my part would have a net positive outcome. So I may work hard, but only if people will benefit more than I suffer. If I am not sure of the outcome, I tend to rest on what I know - myself and those close to me. This also means I will readily help strangers, but focus my efforts more toward friends and family, as I know better how to help them, and since I am closer to them I am better equipped to do so.

There is liberation to be found in this kind of living. My actions are easily justifiable, and rarely come with any sort of guilt or regret. I can spend a day playing videogames, partying with friends, doing little productive, knowing that a chance to relax now better prepares me to help at a later point. Just the same, I can work my butt off, doing all I can, losing sleep, even becoming stressed, knowing that what I suffer accomplishes a good greater than the sum of my loss. I am flexible, adaptable, and consistent. I am happy, and I help those around me be happy as well. If I am not happy, I can take time to find a way to be without guilt.

Coming to this sort of life, I wondered if it was selfish. I’ve spent most of my time putting others before myself, hoping to eventually be rewarded, satisfied, redeemed. Unfortunately, I also had low self-confidence and respect, and often felt like my doing good was an attempt to “prove” I was a good person. I suspect many people feel similarly. But upon finding pride in myself and my actions, on seeing the good I had done of my own volition, without expectation of reward, I realized I am a good person and I like myself, and that my happiness is worth something - specifically, as much as anyone else’s.

The idea that everyone’s happiness is equal and we should work towards all equally came to me through Buddhism and discussions I’ve had with its practitioners (and hey, you wouldn’t call a Buddhist selfish, would you?). We were originally talking about how, in theory, we should feel as much compassion for those suffering on the other side of the globe as those next to us, but in our practical lives we don’t. We realized this is because it is difficult to conceptualize the suffering of a person we cannot picture in our minds, whom we do not understand. From this, I determined that, while it may be noble to treat everyone’s happiness equally, we are better equipped, as well as motivated, to serve those we know better.

So that is where I am now. I just want everyone to be happy, but in my work toward achieving that I first pursue that which I know. However, I also seek to learn more, always. I try to find out the problems in this world and how I might fix them. In writing my thoughts on it, I may sound selfish, or as though I am not doing everything I can to help, but in my eyes I am always doing my best to help both others and myself, and to keep myself in a state where I am best able and motivated to help.